TheEllenShow Wanna be part of my photo mosaic? Add #EllenRocksTheVMAs to your tweets. You’ll be glad you do. And so will I. bit.ly/9oPrGh [RT]

TheEllenShow I’m really tight with all of my famous cousins. Especially Madonna. We’re basically sisters. bit.ly/9Du96J [RT]

GiggleFlower Check this video out -- Blind Faith - Can't Find My Way Home(Electric Version) t.co/4xQuyfL via @youtubee [RT]

GiggleFlower . If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? [RT]

MrBigFists My Grandma. What a big brain you have. mmmmmm. So big and juicy... - Little Dead Riding Hood [RT]

funnyordie "Hoverboards by 2015" seems like a solid campaign platform if you're interested in winning elections. [RT]

OMGFacts A cat in Scotland reportedly killed nearly 30,000 MICE in its lifetime! How do we know? --> bit.ly/bUMo7r [RT]

MrBigFists I would love to give the Republican party my seal of approval but one of their constituents clubbed it. [RT]

cracked Your Summer Internship: Was It Worth It? [CHART]: bit.ly/bxnc0T [RT]

funnyoneliners Someday, I'd like to take a train across the country.. but they never leave the keys in them. [RT]

peeweeherman Your chance to meet me on Broadway! RT @SU2C Bid NOW on one-of-a-kind experiences, help support #StandUp2Cancer: www.ebay.com/su2c [RT]

davio1962 If I could train a bunch of chimps to use a phone and say "team", "win" and "stink", I'd have assembled my own sportstalk radio audience. [RT]

TheEllenShow As if it couldn’t get any better - now @LadyGaGa will be stopping by. What do ya’ll think I should ask her? #EllenRocksTheVMAs [RT]

GiggleFlower Seriously..if you want us to save a horse and ride a cowboy, you guys need to learn to save a tree and eat a beaver.. [RT]

JerryThomas I like my metaphors the way I like my similes. Wait, I don't think I'm doing this right. [RT]

MrBigFists Now that school has started, my wife and I spend our afternoons doing what any married couple would do while the kids are away. Cartwheels. [RT]

funnyordie Want to spice up your lonely sex life...on a budget? Try a used Sex Robot! r.FunnyOrDie.com/jviix [RT]

TheOnion Sportsgraphic: Tips For High School Athletes onion.com/b6MfIY [RT]

MrBigFists Sorry. Messed up this link. @dirtymustache #ff diamonds in the rough favstar.fm/users/dirtymustache [RT]

MrBigFists 1. @down_to_stars #ff diamonds in the rough favstar.fm/users/down_to_stars [RT]

MrBigFists 2. @dirtymustache #ff diamonds in the rough favstar.fm/users/dirtymustach [RT]

MrBigFists 3. @ThoughtsUnborn #ff diamonds in the rough favstar.fm/users/ThoughtsUnborn [RT]

MrBigFists 4. @annssister #ff diamonds in the rough favstar.fm/users/annssister [RT]

MrBigFists 5. @twomaris #ff diamonds in the rough favstar.fm/users/twomaris [RT]

MrBigFists Took a little time this morning to fish out some funny people. Here are the #ff recommendations of my research results. [RT]

cracked 6 Movies That Didn't Realize They Let The Villain Win: bit.ly/da46Lb by. Jacopo della Quercia [RT]

TheOnion Strongside/Weakside: Rafael Nadal onion.com/9fPaby [RT]

GiggleFlower Is there another word for synonym? [RT]

cracked We're experiencing technical difficulties with DOB's article. Will have it back working momentarily. [RT]

alyankovic Hey, you know what would be a really cool subject matter for a movie and/or TV show? Vampires. [RT]

TheOnion Jealous A.J. Pierzynski Builds Catcher's Mound onion.com/d4cbjZ [RT]

MrBigFists I'm taking up a virtual paper route where I log my neighbors into local news sites as they sleep. I figure since I'm here already. [RT]

cracked Why It's Time to Stop Paying Attention to Lady Gaga: bit.ly/9QdIQE by. @DOB_INCC [RT]

TheOnion Classic Movie 'Avatar' Updated For Today's Audiences onion.com/9X26YI [RT]

TheOnion American Voices: Health Insurance Costs Shifting To Workers onion.com/9mXasf [RT]

GiggleFlower What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what? [RT]

GiggleFlower How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. [RT]

GiggleFlower How did the farmer mend his pants? A. With cabbage patches! [RT]

GiggleFlower How does a moulded fruit-flavoured dessert answer the phone? A. Jell-o! [RT]

GiggleFlower Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? A. Because he wanted to work over-time! [RT]

davio1962 Bucking conventional wisdom, I actually picked a friend's nose. At the plastic surgeon. It was an expensive birthday present. [RT]

funnyoneliners I take the extra out of extraordinary. RT @clarkekantt [RT]

OMGFacts Men’s shirts and women’s shirts have buttons on OPPOSITE sides! Why? --> bit.ly/aTIaQr. [RT]

funnyoneliners Golf isn't just a sport. It's a way of pretending you're getting exercise. [RT]

GiggleFlower Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? A. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills! [RT]

GiggleFlower Herman's Hermits - "Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker" #hitnow [RT]

GiggleFlower And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your day. [RT]

OMGFacts Asphalt is the most recycled material in the US! Ever wondered how much people actually recycle? --> bit.ly/c9LWyT. [RT]

GiggleFlower Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do cows drink? [RT]

GiggleFlower The answer is bread. If you said "toast", then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. [RT]

OMGFacts PALE SKIN used to be what was considered attractive! Why pale? --> bit.ly/bOSD5n. [RT]

OMGFacts There is actually an ATM in Antarctica! Why? --> bit.ly/bTNgDj. [RT]

GiggleFlower 1. What do you put in a toaster? [RT]

OMGFacts The least populous territory in the world is home to only about 50 people! Where is it located, and why only 50? --> bit.ly/ahwFqD. [RT]

OMGFacts MYTH BUSTED: It’s NOT possible to swallow your tongue. Why? --> bit.ly/9463XO. [RT]

MrBigFists For @Irreverend's birthday, I wanted to confess all my sins but they exceed 140 characters. Most of the characters being women of ill repute [RT]

StephenAtHome Can't believe Petraeus made an appearance on the show. Some people will do any lifetime of military service to get on TV. [RT]

StephenAtHome I believe Sexy Hotdog Man was cobbled together from hooves and lips of other mascots. [RT]

Danny_DeVito L'Shona tova twitpic.com/2mwb4l [RT]

Danny_DeVito Tomorrow watch it and let me know [RT]

Danny_DeVito Tell me what it is and I will write to you.... [RT]

Danny_DeVito Watch Me on The View tomorrow Fri 10th Check out 3yrs ago Youtube "Danny drunk on the View" A personal shout out for the right observation! [RT]

MrBigFists to avoid unnecessary damages to your car, it's best not to refer to a valet attendant as a "valerina". Or so it would seem. [RT]

TheOnion #Saints Advice: Feed off the energy of people screaming #WhoDat, and then realize you have the dumbest job in the world #OnionNFL [RT]

TheOnion Except for Matt, John, and Rick, #Vikings fans are pretty much ignorant, petulant bandwagoners #NFL #OnionNFL [RT]

TheOnion #Saints Weakness: Really showing how shallow they are by hanging a gaudy Super Bowl Champions banner up right in the stadium #OnionNFL [RT]

TheOnion Showing off his youthful exuberance, 40-year-old Brett Favre is still running the media around like a little kid #Vikings #OnionNFL [RT]

TheOnion #Vikings Advice: If there was ever a time to intimidate a team by throwing a bunch of oil-soaked birds onto the 50-yard line, it is now [RT]

TheOnion Can the #Saints play well enough to reinvigorate the job outlook and restore industry to a broken and defeated area? #OnionNFL #NFL [RT]

funnyoneliners I like to think of hot air ballooning as the most fear I'll ever experience in a wicker basket. [RT]

TheOnion Adrian Peterson will get his yards, so #Saints should devote more time to tackling unsuspecting backup backs on the sidelines #OnionNFL #NFL [RT]

GiggleFlower Go Vikings [RT]

TheOnion #Vikings still have unanswered questions in the secondary, such as "What's a cornerback?" & "Who was supposed to cover that guy?" #OnionNFL [RT]

GiggleFlower Q: How many men does it take to make popcorn? A: Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho and shake the stove. [RT]

TheOnion #Saints Strength: @DrewBrees didn't lose his right arm in a logging accident, so that bodes well #OnionNFL #NFL [RT]

funnyordie Taylor Swift & Dave Matthews at NFL kickoff is a reminder that, no matter who plays in the games, the NFL is run by the whitest people ever. [RT]

OMGFacts Men’s shirts and women’s shirts have buttons on OPPOSITE sides! Why? --> bit.ly/aTIaQr [RT]

GiggleFlower Yo momma is so dumb, she took a spoon to the superbowl. [RT]

OMGFacts Asphalt is the most recycled material in the US! Ever wondered how much people actually recycle? --> bit.ly/c9LWyT [RT]

peeweeherman Daniel on FB shared that today is National Teddy Bear Day (with a photo of Chairry, naturally)! yfrog.com/9dksxj [RT]

MrBigFists I haven't followed the news lately. Can anyone catch me up on the Qur'an events? [RT]

MrBigFists It's a safe bet that people who use Viagra were not raised by unicorns. The jury is still out on whether they were raised by elephants. [RT]

OMGFacts PALE SKIN used to be what was considered attractive! Why pale? --> bit.ly/bOSD5n [RT]

GiggleFlower Check this video out -- Georgia Satellites - "Keep Your Hands To Yourself" Live '87 t.co/ohHSoX6 via @youtubee [RT]

funnyordie If you're a fan of Mouse Trap then you'll enjoy watching the Captain throw the perfect pitch: r.FunnyOrDie.com/gflwl [RT]

GiggleFlower Q. what's a ducks favorite drug? A. Quack [RT]

GiggleFlower Q. Why does piglet smell so bad all the time? A. Because he always plays with pooh. [RT]

GiggleFlower Your momma is so skinny, she swallowed a meatball and everyone thought she was pregnant. [RT]

OMGFacts There is actually an ATM in Antarctica! Why? --> bit.ly/bTNgDj [RT]

OMGFacts The least populous territory in the world is home to only about 50 people! Where is it located, and why only 50? --> bit.ly/ahwFqD [RT]

cracked Why Conspiracy Theories Always Win [COMIC]: bit.ly/bNKtRK by. @binstructionss [RT]

TheEllenShow Here’s my philosophy for Season 8. bit.ly/93xzxt [RT]

funnyordie The Koran controversy has put Sarah Palin in the awkward position of defending a book. (via @BorowitzReport) [RT]

funnyoneliners Tonight I'm going to party like it's 1999, only forty pounds heavier. RT @JerryThomass [RT]

cracked The 6 Least Sportsmanlike Moments in #MMA: bit.ly/bPIK3L by. @seanbabydotcomm [RT]

TheEllenShow Interesting home selling strategy... bit.ly/aJNE6S [RT]

davio1962 My nephew was denied his degree in Reverse Psychology. This is a good thing, right? [RT]

funnyoneliners If you're spending the day on the beach with five supermodels, I only have one thing to say... Wake up. You're dreaming. [RT]

alyankovic The latest @hansonmusic video, now with MORE AL: urlshorteningservicefortwitter.com/24d0z [RT]

davio1962 Ack. I just wrote 5770 on my check. And if you didn't get that joke, how about the fact that I'm still writing checks? [RT]